Arts Intranet

I lived in a blanket of fear and anxiety as an artist for the first decade of my career. I remember when my dance teacher told me I wasn’t good enough to get into a prestigious dance school in South Florida. I auditioned for theater instead to ensure my acceptance. I remember booking a national commercial in college for a rhythmic dance routine. My sound and precision were perfect. They used my sound and one of my castmate’s “looks” for the actual principal. She was ethnically ambiguous, which sells more product. Both of these moments seeded doubt in my abilities to succeed in the industry.

I always knew it was important to write a vision. Write it down, make it plain. One day, I looked up at a journal full of ideas—planned out with extravagance—and realized that I had not acted on a single one of them. I was only putting pen to paper while in complete awe at the people around me who were actually making things happen.

“Every part of your story can propel you forward”

As fate would have it, I was kicked into action after seeing a Broadway touring show—The Lion King. I was so inspired, I looked up open auditions in NYC, booked the first flight, got to the audition four hours early, first name on the list, to be kicked to number 40 after Equity signed up. Only Equity actors were seen that day—but I made a commitment to myself that I would continue to take action.

I came home to Miami and made a seven-month plan to be in Los Angeles by the summer. Saved up, goals in hand—I flew to a city I had never visited and decided to make it my home.

“Timing matters”

It took me two years before I booked my first commercial in Los Angeles. Next, a play came along with a major director and months later I was dancing professionally full-time with the international dance company CONTRA-TIEMPO (I guess I was good enough after all). I was fearful the whole way through, I even fell into a major depression after the murder of my father—but I didn’t stop. Everything was foggy but I knew I just needed to keep going. I kept a journal the entire time to help me release the fears and anxieties, while solidifying my hopes and dreams. It sounds quite elementary but writing things down brings them into this physical world.

“How you measure success will determine your happiness”

Los Angeles was an interesting and exciting place. I couldn’t see it then, but looking back now I see that I was a successful artist. All of my bills were paid doing what I love. I wanted to be famous, and that is what caused me discontent. Watching a very close famous friend of mine go through major highs when they booked, and lows when they didn’t, allowed me to reframe my idea of success. I wanted to enjoy my life and not allow auditions to dictate my self-worth.

“Creating is your birthright”

I started directing my own plays, which in turn got me invited to work on production of a festival with my mentor who has since passed away. He told me, don’t wait—create. He came to each of my shows and let me know when I had “the one.”

“Listen to your intuition.”

After my third production—a year as an apprentice for the first web series festival ever launched in the world—I was itching for something to call my own. I left the dance company that had given me so much and set off with a boyfriend at the time (love can be a motivator) to Australia to create. I had no idea what I would be creating, but it turned out to the be the third global web series festival, Melbourne Webfest.

I also learned that residual income is a real thing and that every artist should find that one product that makes them money while they sleep. Working as an apprentice first afforded me the skills and confidence to do it on my own; it is absolutely OK to work for others—you are smart for wanting to learn from someone else’s experience. I had the wisdom to avoid mistakes that my predecessor made.

“You may not know where the next step will lead. Step anyway.”

After a fruitful year Down Under, I decided to return to the States, as my visa had expired and a corporate job was required to sponsor me to continue to live in the country. I did find that sponsor and in three months learned the business model that would shape new ideas for a future company I would create. I did not learn the art of patience yet, so after just three months there—I abruptly booked a flight back to the U.S., to my hometown of Miami, to save up money and get back west or head up to NYC for a fresh start.

I did not know that I would start a company that would be a thriving arts organization. I did not know that all of the lessons, scrapes, bruises I had experienced would come in handy at this very moment. I did not know that I would own a trademark or inject close to $400,000 into my local arts community.

And yet here I am running my company which is now in its fifth season: MUCE—the Miami Urban Contemporary Experience. All of my production skills and creative skills have been utilized to the max. Every past experience has allowed me to build this company faster than I could’ve ever imagined, and the sweetest part—I get to be everything I’ve wanted to be through something that I own. I’m now a producer, artist, advocate, employer, writer, financier, art collector, cultural explorer, and boss chick.

I’m still learning so very much. It took me 10 years to learn to surrender to the process. When that self doubt comes up, I push past the pain, fear, and insecurity and let the vision pull. I own my past which has truly shaped my future.

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This post is part of the Own Your Past, Shape Your Future blog salon.